This morning out hasn't relieved any of the anxiety I'm feeling or helped me get anything done on the law school stuff. I can't focus on it. I'm still writing the personal statement, and I don't know what I want to say.
I want to say that the month ahead is looming like an incoming mortar, just bound to wreck something in my world. I want to admit to being easily distracted, but then scream at the first person who suggests that I don't have a reason to be: "Excuse the hell out of me, but are you 7 weeks from your due date with a willful toddler as your sole responsibility and a husband who is going to a war zone where they just shot 5 U.S. civilians?!!?"
How stupid would it be to hit the 95th percentile on the LSAT and not go to law school?
Of course, now I'm thinking I would be better off applying next year, with my applications due around Baby Dos's 1st birthday. That way I would start school when he/she is a year and a half and Slim is 3. If I can't work at home now on writing with just one kid, how am I going to do it with another infant?
But then, that may just be a rationalization on my part to justify not doing these damn applications.
God, I hate this.
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3 comments:
This was the blog post that I started before lunch. I was going to discard it, but thought I'd send it anyway since it's so much of what I'm thinking right now. Stuff I've added in parentheses was written after talking to you.
Chica,
I'm so conflicted about this, but I keep coming back to APPLY (if not now, then next year)! You will kick law school's ass no matter where (and when) you go.
At the same time, you've got babies and the dog and stress about your living situation. In short, you need a partner to help shoulder these responsibilities. When O returns from overseas, it's time to focus on fitting YOUR priorities into the family plan...if it's not too late for this year, you can make it work for next year. I keep coming back to Nancy Pelosi, who apparently had her kids all in a row and raised them stuffing envelopes for the Democrats. Once they were a bit grown, she pushed hard and dreamed big. BUT she must've had help on the way. Timing is a bitch, but it seems that you're often compromising to get O's goals met. As soon as he returns, you need to let him know what you require to get your goals met. On some level, he knows that you make his lifestyle and his career possible. But that is not just your job.
You did not sign up to be a single mom.
Maybe this isn't blog-comment appropriate, so I won't be offended if you don't approve it and just keep it in your inbox as long as you read it and know the comments are coming from my heart and out of concern for you.
Love you always! Call me anytime.
I talked to Ben last night. He said he'd chip in cash for you to get a baby sitter, and we'd poll the family to get enough for you to hire her for as long as it takes to get the app done. He really really thinks you should go to law school, and that you'll be in like Flynn if you send those bad boys in. Please call him if you need some encouragement! (Or call me and I'll pass the phone to him.)
Last time I checked with the Cap'n he was telling Muthaknitter the same thing as Rie. Let him know what you need to meet your goals and he'll make it happen.
He certainly was there when you marched out to study for your LSATs.
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