It Might Take 4 Years...

But I finally got it!

You see, after I first started knitting in November 2005, a slightly crazed new mother in a very crazy new city, the Cap'n bought my first knitting book for Hanukkah: Scarf Style.

Immediately, I fell in love with the Vintage Velvet cable scarf. I knew I had to make it. And fate seemed like it wanted me to, when on a visit not long after that to NYC, I found the Muench Touch Me Yarn at the Brooklyn General Store near the Cap'n's sister.

But the yarn sat, and it waited as the stash grew and grew. Every rearrangement, I would take it out and look at it, touch the soft chenille and remind myself of how wonderful it would be to have that scarf. And yet, I knitted other things. Lots of things, for other people.

Finally, this January, on our trip to Maine, I shoved the five balls in my travel bag and decided to have a go of it. And I am so glad I did. The pattern was a breeze, the cabling was fun and the yarn was delicious. Even the felting was smooth and easy.

And now, I am the Scarf Style cover girl I was born to be!

It's just breezy enough today to warrant a scarf, and I am so proud I made it myself. Even if it took 4 years to come true...

Let's hope the sweater on the needles doesn't take that long. Ahem.

A New Start

I got emotional today saying goodbye to the Cap'n as he headed off to his first day back at work after the accident.

This has been a really long, hard road. Almost 5 months of times I wasn't sure I knew how to get through, when they were happening.

The accident definitely changed me. It rubbed off some of the blurriness about what's important and what I want to do and have in my life. In some ways, I feel strangely mellow, as if the high anxiety of the past few months has made my usual anxiety seem like that not that big a deal.

We were off on vacation last week in NC, and at the time I started feeling sad. Getting the first bit of literal distance from DC and the accident gave me a better perspective on all I could have lost. I'll probably start talking to a therapist about it.

In some ways, I know I haven't dealt with all of the accident fallout yet, but in other ways I feel better about myself and my relationship with the Cap'n, knowing we can handle something that big.

I know I just want to keep moving forward. I've made a list of things I want to work on and accomplish this year, and that's what I am going to focus on. Sometimes there is no way through but through.

On that note: I signed up for a weaving class, but unfortunately had to miss the first one this weekend with an awful cold. First time I've ever lost my voice! But I should be back in the saddle to start next weekend...I can't wait.

And oh, all the other projects I have to show you....

He Can Rock a Turban

You know the Cap'n has style when he can even rock a turban.

Oy, with the crooked weaving...this one is supposed to be a scarf, but it has a complete C-curve in it.

Le Sigh.

We're Animaniacs!

Finally introduced the family to The Animaniacs.

Even the Cap'n agreed it's pure genius.

There's lots planned to do around the house today, but hopefully will blog more tonight about my frowny-face weaving. :(

KOOL(haas) HAT!

(I will continue to inflict these painfully moody, brooding, overly self-conscious webcam shots ala MySpace on the blogging world until I can get a new digital camera. Sorry.)

I have been on a finishing spree, trying to repair some of my poor feng shui, which has taken a turn for the worse in the last four years, what with kids and a new (dilapidated) house taking their toll.

So in the spirit of controlling what I can, I've decided to finish up long-standing knitting projects. Thus my newly beloved: a Koolhaas hat in ArtYarns Regal Silk (I think: I lost the ballband, and I could have swore this had some merino in it). Purchased ages ago at the Brooklyn General Store.

I knit the men's size, because my giant head has had trouble in the past fitting regular-size hat patterns. Turns out I think a woman's would have fit, because this is a tad long. C'est la vie, I say, because at least now I have a hat that will fit me no matter what.

This is the softest, most adorable thing I've knit for myself, and I fully intend to do more. I am my own harshest critic, and I am going to try softening me up with beautiful handknits.

Which reminds me: I have to show you my new scarf.

Scrumptious.

Pretty Much There Already

From here:

Caregiver burnout is something you may not notice, but people you know may notice changes in you and express their concern. Here are some signs of caregiver burnout:

Being on the verge of tears or crying a lot
Feeling helpless or hopeless
Overreacting to minor nuisances
Feeling constantly exhausted
Losing interest in work
Decrease in productivity of work
Withdrawing from social contacts
Increasing use of alcohol or stimulants
Nervous habits such as chain smoking
Change in eating patterns
Change in sleeping patterns
Increasing use of medications for sleeplessness, anxiety, depression
Inability to relax
Scattered thinking
Feeling increasingly resentful
Being short-tempered with care recipient frequently
Increasing thoughts of death

Things I am Learning #93850183

I need too much validation for my work. And my primary jobs right now (motherhood and the part-time gig) offer none.

Particularly motherhood is a thankless job. But there's plenty of guilt and fear that I'm going to screw it up.

Just like everything else.

Can we just say that I'm having a bad morning?

Not sure how to turn around this horrible year I'm having...

AAAUUGGH! The Digital...

Slim's camera is kaput.

So there is no photographic proof of me finishing up two very cool projects.

The first is a knitting/felting project that I started probably 2 years ago (eek!). I found a beautifully dyed New Zealand wool at KnittinSis's yarn store in Bloomington, IN. Something about the blue, green and yellow called to me.

So I cast on that same weekend on a borrowed KnitPicks Options (you can have that 60" length back now, KnittinSis!) and it languished ever since. Do you know how big bags have to be pre-felted if you want more than a iPod cozy??

BIG.

But since the advent of the tendinitis, I've discovered that pure knitting with no purling isn't as taxing on my hand. And since I recently had to dump out the whole stash and rearrange it, I vowed a new-found commitment to finishing up old projects. And slowly but surely this last month I've worked on it.

(Insert imaginary picture of pretty felted bag here.) (Alas, the camera...)

I still need to sew on the handle and figure out how to sew a liner, in addition to coming up with two pretty buttons for clasps, but it's actually come out better than I thought it would.

The second project is a surprise for the non-KnittinSis. It's a weaving, and I hesitate to say more before she gets it in the mail. Which is sort of a problem, given that I haven't mailed it yet.

But for the record: A second weaving project has made its way off the loom.

(Insert imaginary weaving picture here.)

Sigh....

First Days

Today I would have started law school, but it's been deferred.

I'm a little sad, but realistic that I wouldn't have been ready.

Ah well.

Next year.

Hey Y'all! Watch This!!

So I started to write a post last night, but was interrupted by:

Slim: "Ewwww!! Mom, Mom! L pooped in the bathtub!!"

Ahem.

Anyway, as I was about to say:

International Weaving Woman of Mystery

Sorry for the crappy webcam quality (the digital camera seems to have given up the ghost), but LOOK -----> We Have A Weaving!!

I am more than pleased to announce the start of a new hobby. Can't say the same for The Cap'n, but he's been incredibly supportive of it.

It's been a long, interesting year. Last year around this time, I had just helped close down a fiber arts workshop that unfortunately couldn't be saved. I wish that I would have had about $50,000 of my own to turn it around. But I did what I could, and before I helped sweep up the last dust bunnies and box up the last yarn, I was encouraged to buy a donated Beka 32" rigid heddle loom.

They were really good fiber pushers around there.

I was a little shell-shocked after the store closed though, and felt very guilty that I couldn't do more to save it. So the Beka sat in a box under the bed for the last year. Around the time that I was working at the store, I also tried biking again and the tendenitis in my left thumb started acting up too.

So other than a couple of knitted hats over the last year, I was off fiber. I got a little stopped up with out my daily dose. (So to speak...)

But I missed it. Terribly. I just didn't know it.

Then on May 6, the Cap'n was involved in a bad motorcycle accident on his way to work. A woman pulling out from a stop sign didn't see him, and hit him. He shattered his right wrist and elbow, and broke 4 vertebrae in his back.

Talk about a game changer. He's doing better now, but it's been a long, hot, miserable summer. I had to return to fiber just to hang on to the last drips of my sanity that were seeping out of my ears.

So about a month ago, my KnittinSis came to visit, and I got her to help me dust off the loom and figure out what screws I needed to put the floor stand together.

It's a monster. 32" is not a shy and retiring size. Luckily the Cap'n doesn't mind it taking up one big corner of the dining room. I haven't named it yet, but maybe one will come to me.

For a first project, I decided to wind up some Louet Opal superwash yarn that I had purchased from Springwater in its first, healthier incarnation. It seemed karmically correct. I had navy blue and spring green, and I wanted to make a table runner.

Bear in mind, I saw people work on the rigid heddles at the store, and I saw warping being done, but I was way too busy to learn any of it. But I guess some of it came through osmosis, and a lot came through the innerwebs. I found this and this to be helpful.

Turns out I should have used a 10-dent heddle instead of an 8-dent, and superwash actually doesn't full (or felt) that much in the wash. And even selvedges? HA! I say.

Whatevs.

Any disappointments I may have had with my first weaving project were washed away as soon as Slim saw it and said, "Mommy, is that for me? Can I have it?"

So instead of a fuzzy crooked table runner (just what we need on our frequently crumb-y table), we have a warm, soft scarf for a very special little boy who is starting Pre-K next Monday.

Yay!

Typing One-Handed

Is a biyotch.

My hand still hurts, but such is life.

I started reading "Letters to a Young Poet" by Rainer Maria Rilke today. It's really good, but I'm wondering if it is something that would have made more of an impact in my impressionable high school/college years.

Or maybe I can still be a Young Poet at heart?

One of the pieces of news is that I got into law school. But the question remains whether I should go. A lawyer friend asked me today if I was really sure. He said it's an anxiety-producing field.

Really. Like I need more anxiety.

Anyway, it feels good to write, even if all that is coming out is blurt.

And if you can keep a secret: I am typing with my left hand.

Bad Ginny.

Tell you what, let me just throw up a kid pic to cut this thing short.

To Create

What does it mean to write, when anyone with access to a keyboard or a PDA can pound out every thought that passes through their brain?

What does it mean to photograph, if a good digital camera with a 100 different style settings opens artistic opportunities up to 3-year-olds?

Who paints when an elephant's work fetches thousands of dollars at auction?

Who knits when socks are 6 for $5 at the discount store?

Why do we create, when everyone can be a creator?

I've been away from the blog for awhile. It was hard, lots to talk about but no way to get it out. Then it was something I thought about but couldn't put any effort into.

Now, I've been sidelined from knitting with a bum tendon in my left hand, and I need to find some other kind of outlet. I've been reading more books lately, and the itch to write just finally needed to be scratched.

There's all kinds of news, and the guilt that I have the Lion hasn't been documented as much as Slim is going to lay pretty heavy on me for the rest of my life. Sorry, kid, in advance of your years of therapy.

But I'll just start with this, and we'll see where it goes from here.

Trying Again

I've been working on a post in my head for a while now. There's a lot going on, and in times like this, I usually resort to bullet point lists. But for ONE TIME ONLY (ha!), I'm going to resort to long, drawn-out narrative...

Ready?

I got a part-time job.

(Simple enough.)

I started crocheting.

(Umm, okay.)

The Lion is walking, about a month and a half before Slim did.

(Good news.)

I bought yarn in Akron.

(First in a while?)

And we got a bike trailer to take the kiddos behind us biking.

(Are you kidding me?? You don't bike!)

Yeah, so that's the good news.

(What narrative are we working from here? Random points drawn from your head on a rushed Saturday morning?)

Exactly.

Life: The Original Ninja Duck

(Sung to the theme of "Spiderman")

Ninja Duck,
Ninja Duck,
He's a little, tiny Ninja Duck.

WATCH OUT!
Here comes the Ninja Duck.

Maybe if I knew how the Ninja Duck had infiltrated my bathroom, the rest of my life would make sense.

Maybe.

But I doubt it.

This blog went a little dark right around the time my old computer died. A lot has happened since then. Sad things and happy things. I'll try to catch you up on all of it, and I'll try to move on.

RIP Mia, my sweetest, the best dog ever

If I gave you the Girl Scout promise that I would try to blog more frequently, I would probably be lying, and then I wouldn't be a very good Girl Scout, would I?

(Insert obligatory child photo here)

Things I Don't Want to Forget

1. The Lion's first word was "Uh-oh." Said as he dropped Cheerios on the floor and looked over at me to get my reaction.

2. The Lion crawled up the stairs for the first time last week. I caught him halfway up before I got out of the bathroom.

3. The Lion got a big fat lip and bled everywhere from falling off a folded-up futon on the floor. Only about 6 inches, but when you land face first with your one top tooth digging into your lip...well, at least he recovered quickly.

4. Slim's potty training is going spectacularly...awful. Most days there is at least one "discussion" involving me screaming, "Sit on the potty!" and him saying, "No sit on potty NOW!"

5. Slim always says the words, "NOW!" and "NEVER!" very emphatically, but not usually together. He does say them A LOT.

6. The Lion wants me to hold him almost exclusively right now, and never fails to lose it when passed to anyone else. He regains composure so quickly when I take him back that he looks like a different child.

7. If it is possible, Mia has become even more tolerant of the kids. She will even hold still for hugs, and lets them crawl up and hold her feet.

8. The Lion crawls WAY faster than Slim ever did, and he crawls "correctly" as opposed to Slim sticking one foot down and the other knee down in his half walk/crawl. The Lion can really move when he wants to. He looks like a little tank.

9. Both of them love chicken nuggets and yogurt. The Lion wants whatever Slim is eating.

10. The Lion wants everything that Slim has, usually when he has it. The noise level in the house has amped up -- didn't think that was possible -- as they sit in their room together and shout at each other over the GeoTrax trains.

11. On the good side, they also play together now. Usually Slim has the train and is pushing it, and The Lion has some of Slim's cars and is sticking them on the tracks too. It works -- for about 10 minutes, and then it's back to the screaming.

12. I've tried to minimize my screaming, and have taken some time-outs for bad language. Thus Slim is down to only one goddamnit a day. This is an accomplishment, and I'm proud that modeling good behavior works.

13. The Lion sometimes bangs his head on the floor or into his brother when he gets frustrated. I'm trying not to let that worry me. He shows no other signs of autistic behavior, but of course, I am a hypochondriac on behalf of my kids.

14. Speaking of non-autistic behavior, The Lion points a lot. Yesterday with the Cap'n, the Cap'n asked Slim where the moon was, and both boys pointed at it.

15. Slim knows the smallest planet (Pluto, shh, don't tell him about the whole "not a real planet" thing), the red planet (Mars), the biggest planet (Jupiter) and his favorite, the one with rings (Saturn). I might add that we make a trip to the Air and Space Museum probably once a week.

16. My children watch too much TV, though, and for that I feel like a horrible mother.

17. There are lots of things that make me feel like a horrible mother. Including my recent job search, and my recurrent fantasies of commuting (gee, I have an exciting life).

18. I asked Slim if he would miss me if I was gone, and he said he would. And that makes me the worst mother of all.

I'm probably not going to be blogging for a little while. I'm not really knitting, or doing much else. I'm hoping to get my groove back, and when I do, I'll be back around.

Thanks...

W.O.W.

This YouTube video is amazing.

Drive-by Blogging

This has been a really rough week. Just a lot of cumulative stress.

But I'm trying to work my way out of it.

Here are a few photos to amuse you, until I get more pictures downloaded and can update you on the whole potty-training, job-searching, almost-walking, mitten-knitting hoo-ha.

Same Ol', Same Ol'

So I applied for a job at a yarn store. But I didn't get it.

That was the knitty k-news.

Back to the ol' grindstone.

A Preview Post

So I finally found the camera card reader (again. And, yes, I would lose my head if it wasn't attached.), and I am going to try to blog up some more pictures.

In the meantime, I have to ask, if anyone knows some cool mitten patterns, I would appreciate the link. The Cap'n has challenged me to shod (? hand?) the boys some mittens, and I'm thinking it would be a quick project for the car ride to NC this weekend.

I'm turning the heel of the first Noro sock, and still cranking on Slim's sweater. Why didn't anyone tell me 2x2 ribbing was so boring??

Tomorrow is Today

Does this look like the face of a kid who is going to be putting in his school applications next week?

'Cause it is.

We just had a hectic but stimulating morning checking out three more open houses for 3-year-old programs to start in the fall. We've been to 5 schools so far and have 3 more to see.

Getting into the "right" school is a loaded phrase. On the one hand, you don't want to put so much pressure on a 3-year-old or feel like his entire future (and his brother's, based on sibling preference) is determined (good elementary, good middle school, right college, etc.) by this one decision.

On the other hand, with the state of DC public schools, there is just no way to leave his education in the hands of "authorities" or have a laissez faire attitude. It just won't work here.

But pressure isn't the right word for it, either. Slim has such an attitude about life, and about school, that he isn't feeling the pressure. If I knew for certain that because of his personality, he wasn't ready for it at 3-years-old, we wouldn't even be considering it.

But today, when the 4-year-old class passed through the hallway where we were sitting, Slim just got up and followed them into their classroom to take part. On every tour in every school, he's had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, away from the classrooms.

I'd say he's ready.

Am I ready to let my little baby go?